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Writer's pictureNathalie

It is I, be not afraid



photo not mine

I’m rereading the Gospel of St. John in our friends full volumed car heading home from work. I know that God speaks in silence but also the Spirit deems whenever and to whomever it pleases Him, yes even in the noisy car, I was given light.


When I reached this passage (John 6), I just have to stop, I'm in awe of how alive the Bible is, its a narrative of what had happened then, but is present in my life and yours today.


“And got into a boat to make for Capernaum on the other side of the sea. It was getting dark by now and Jesus had still not rejoined them, The wind was strong, and the sea was getting rough. (John 6: 17-18). I don’t know about you, but with me, this is true. When I recalled the darkest and stormy days of my life, those were the moments when I was on my own.


What happened next, “they saw Jesus walking on the sea and coming towards them and they were afraid, (John 6:19), when we are absorbed with darkness are we not afraid to let anyone know? We all want to keep it within ourselves, we are afraid of being vulnerable.


But he said, 'It is I, Don't be afraid.’ (John 6:20). It is I- who heals the sick, who multiplied the bread and you were satisfied, it is I. He reminds them, me and you of who He is, because we almost always easily forgets. I love it how, He never tires of assuring us always: we need not be afraid.



And so, they were willing to receive Him, but immediately the boat was at the land to which they were going (John 6:21). I want to put emphasis on two very significant areas here:


  • First: “willing to receive”, I’ve mentioned it before and I will never tire of repeating it over and over again, that its all up to us, we should consent, for without it He cannot come. He does not violate our free will, we can always accept or reject Him. That is our God who does not force Himself but waits, this fact alone suffices to put as to shame.


  • Second: now this is very beautiful, IMMEDIATELY, i love the word IMMEDIATE, in a snap, the boat was at the land to which they were going (John 6:21). All it took them was to willingly receive Him, its their YES to JESUS that made them who/where they’re supposed to be.


I am a witness to this passage, I have come to live it. You too, if you only receive Him.


“And after this, the crowd seeking Jesus” (John 6:24), I imagine a mob wanting to be near Him (oh how I envy them, they have seen the face, I have been longing to see and be with), and He tells them you seek Me not because you have seen signs BUT you have EATEN and were SATISFIED.


The encounter with the persona of Jesus cannot be put into words but can only be described via story. One will be really satisfied- actually its more than that, what do I mean by it? Well, He is so huge, I cannot contain Him and my understanding alone cannot comprehend Him, it needs grace for me to understand. That's how incomprehensible He is.


One must experience Him, that's why it is very important to have a personal relationship with Him, and seek Him. I can only impart His enormous love but go to the giver and you will see. Jesus himself said come and see (John 1:39) , St. Philip (John 1:45-46) because only by encountering Him one will understand.


Who would have thought, that I will testify to this. I, who always craved for more, so “in with the world”, i’ll be clear, I don’t hate it, but I am sad with whats happening with the world, but as it is written so, I must not wonder.


May be, God willed this for me so others might see, that its possible. He used me a selfish defensive sinner, and out of my brokenness, He made manifest.


To those people who knows me, been with me, might say, she’s going crazy. Everytime I speak it echoes, and hearing it, its as if another person is speaking not me. Whenever I see myself in the mirror, I'm not able to recognize me, not that my features changed but the persona in me.


“But, by the grace of God, I am what I am. Yet, it is not I, but the grace of God within me.” (1 Corinthians 15:10).


Would I want to go back? No. I was once told, “but Nats, you were not bad”, the way I see things now I have to disagree, I was bad and still is (really guilty), no murder, no drugs for me though. I was not “bad, bad” but I was not good either.


And I don’t want to be in between, I have lived half my life that way, and I never felt most alive than now. This freedom, peace, joy and calm, that I want to share to the world the source of it all, I hope until the very end He will grace me to point you to Him the giver of all, Jesus Christ my King.


You don’t realize it just yet, but your soul longs for Him. Seek Him with all your heart, you will see, that He is already there only waiting for you to willingly receive Him and be, alas on the land where you ought to be.



This 2nd week of lent, reflect on those darkest and stormy moments of your life. Did you willingly receive Jesus? If not try to ask your self what was the reason of your “NO”, don’t despair if you have not said “yes”, now is the perfect time to begin again with Him.



 

P.S. photo not mine

If it brought you good fruit, please share as it may potentially (hopefully) bring good fruit to some. If not please kindly send me an email correcting my fault, please let us walk hand in hand in this narrow road ahead of us.


May Christ the King, reign in every soul!


-Shalom❤️

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