In grade school, I always look forward for my birthday, aside from Christmas it’s the only time valid for asking my Aunts/Uncles for gifts. One of the responses I would not wish hearing was “I’ll pray for you”. Prayer for me then was a form of supplication, driving away evil spirit, driving away bad dreams that’s how superficial prayer was for me.
Then I encountered Christ, things changed drastically, last year one of my post on my private IG account I defined prayer as the humility to acknowledge our limitations that we are in need and on our own we can’t thereby surrendering ones being to God fully trusting that He will provide, which is certain, but we need the courage to face that it will be God’s ways best for us not the what we think is best for us (October 13, 2018).
Re-reading it, on some degree, I still agree, but God redefined it for me, prayer now for me is communing with Him, coming to Him face to face in all my nothingness, meeting the Giver and my Maker. The humility to present myself bare in my nothingness only to offer my sins and filth clothes me with love, the kind of love that is beyond me, it encamps me and my soul is being lifted up and filled with things that I cannot comprehend, not even know how to describe it, all I know is that it’s a love so huge that I feel like a glimpse or a foretaste of heaven that makes me long for it.
Prayer then is for me a moment or a place if you will, where love meets. And that’s where transformation happens, wisdom comes and a love burning in my heart, it’s as if is being resonated in my whole body that I want to literally light up. Most off I’m sure I did not perceive them well but I know my soul did and I rest that in time when my mind is ready it will soon be revealed.
Now, not all prayer are the same, there were moments I feel it’s repetitive, dry, no connection - these moments makes me worry, the good Lord reminds me then that prayer is not just a “feeling” that though I did not “feel” Him, He is ALWAYS present no matter how I think He isn’t. Indeed it's a blessing that we are communing with Saints, they remind us that we persevere and when we feel this dryness it's the more we should pray to Him.
I totally understand if you would argue with me and tell me, I prayed but nothing happened. I don’t have always answer to all questions and most often If I have, my answers will not always suffice, but by walking this path I have noticed that, in praying my circumstances does not always change but my heart and perspective did.
In every answered prayer my gratitude increased on declined prayers (at least on my perspective), I saw how loving Father, our God the Father is, He always surpassed “my best” to His infinite goodness and the prayers that I had long waited full of hope and prayed for, I’ve noticed that He does two things 1.) He expands my heart 2.) He purifies my intentions, it made me declare that even in the mundane of “waiting” is in itself grace for it allowed me to see the grace that was implanted in me that without the “waiting” I won’t be able to see.
Prayer is like our hair, we cannot see it growing but in due time we notice it lengthened. We may not see directly the fruits of prayer but know that we're progressing and in due time, you'll see, it will surprise you just like it surprised me, of how little I thought of what praying can do.
If it brought you good fruit, please share as it may potentially (hopefully) bring good fruit to some. If not please kindly send me an email correcting my fault, please let us walk hand in hand in this narrow road ahead of us.
May Christ the King, my King, reign in everyone's heart!
-Shalom ❤️
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