Scanning thru my pictures, Im seeing a “happy” me, exudes happiness I thought, vain, so scrolled all the more I came up with those. Made me wonder was I really happy or just some mandatory smile to have a likable picture to fill my instagram paused for am moment, hmmm.. yeah, I thought. I doubt myself often now, so I pressed a little bit harder digged a little bit deeper, was I really happy? Took a deep breath and a bit time travel reminiscing those moments finally at peace and its a YES- ecstatic, vibrant full of passion me BUT...
Have you ever been in the same situation saying, I’m happy BUT... , there's this huge BUT..
But, somethings not quite right.., but somethings missing.., Have you ever felt that?
I’m amazed of His generosity, of allowing me to see the things I now see. “But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear. For verily I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous men have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them.” (Matthew 13:16-17).I thought then my life was at its “prime”, God took me to places I never knew existed, remember those “somedays” one speaks about mine was slowly turning to reality. He took me higher and tasted some of the glory on this side of heaven. I’m not having this miserable life that one might think, no alcohol, no drugs for me- though spiritually a mess(I’ll write another blog about that). I was this cliché mid 20s, “Wow!, I'm so blessed hysteria” used to say, I must have done something good for God to bless me this much #blessed LOL! I wanted to be "MORE", feel "MORE" so much focused on "MORE" that I loose sight of HIM, was so busy doing "MORE"until those "MORE" acquired ME and took control of me. I had been manipulating every single day of my existence and relied so much on “MORE” , I was so exhausted and it was awful. There was this void that I tried to fill, though I thought I had "MORE" nothing seemed enough.
He took all those "MORE", so I'm left with nothing but HIM. I was like St. Peter, Lord to whom shall I go? I had distanced myself from Him with all the mess, pride, arrogance, defensive sinner. I always compare my soul as a stinky mud coming to my creator yet here I am, nothing good to offer begging His help. The Lord is ever faithful you know: that day was all tears presenting all what was messy laying it all out and He, though God did not care on how messy and stinky I was and still am and He graced me His tender Fatherly love not just sprinkled love but SOAKED me in it, He drowned me with His love, no I told you so, He just pressed me in His mercy and allowed me to see His Majesty, left me nothing else to do but SURRENDER.
All the void that I was filling vanished in an instant of “grace”. The “prime” that I knew is incomparable to what awaits me. He gave me divine consolations without any hesitations and like a little child in His Fathers arms there where He showed me my identity that I am His beloved. It's clear now that its only Him who satisfies that outside of Him are fleeting. How profoundly true is this that up-to modern times He alone suffices that I am not in need of anything else but Him and my soul resonates this “my grace is sufficient.” 2Corinthians 12:9.
He's so immense, there's no adjective that could actually befitting on how huge He is. I fought hard to keep it within me but the more I do, its as if my being is going to burst! Oh, how I wanted to burst but the reality that I cant is a struggle! I know its funny but that's exactly what it is.
If you are like me who tried to fill the void with the world— —💯% you will be more empty. He resurrected me and showed me how to be truly alive. Allow yourselves as well to be resurrected by the King of Glory and be this testimony be a reality of yours — and when you allow Him to touch your lives you will see the LIGHT and you would definitely go and shout to the WORLD that Jesus Christ is LORD!
If it brought you good fruit, please share as it may potentially (hopefully) bring good fruit to some. If not please kindly send me an email correcting my fault, please let us walk hand in hand in this narrow road ahead of us.
May Christ the King, my King, reign in everyones hearts!
-Shalom❤️
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